Honey, I'm home!

I've come to realize I need to empower myself, take control in many more areas. I have to stop being shit upon...move, weave, duck. I must accept myself, embrace myself, and if someone cannot love the true me, then -- fuck -- them. Carpe carpa!

Elephant on my Chest

You can't see her, but there is an elephant on my chest. She's rather heavy, her weight pressing down with careful precision. I cannot get her off. I cannot find the strength to do much more than simply breathe.

Breathing does not come easy. I must concentrate to get my lungs to inflate fully, to feel myself expanding with life. My mind is solely occupied with this one goal. Everything else is a distraction.

Distractions upset the process, upsets me. I snarl in response. I can only do one thing. Breath. Concentrate. Deep breathe in. Deep breathe out. Just breathe, until I get this elephant off my chest.

Her name is Sorrow.

The Promise

Hope springs eternal in the human breast:

Man never is, but always To be Blest.

Alexander Pope

While there's life, there's hope.

Cicero

The sun does not shine for a few trees and flowers,

but for the wide world's joy.
Henry Ward Beecher

Keep your face to the sunshine

and you cannot see the shadow.

It's what sunflowers do.
Helen Keller

In the midst of winter, I found there was, within me,

an invincible summer.

Albert Camus

Still Life?

Teach me to look like a Queen B

Yesterday I got a bit ticked off. Okay, I'm still ticked off. Very.

I think I must look very approachable, because I seem to get random strangers coming up to me and feeling comfortable in giving me their unrequested 2 cents. This time we were at the Salvation Army store. EZ was thrilled to find an Easy Bake oven and showed it off to me.

An old European lady comes up and says it's not for boys. Um, excuse me?! WTF?! I wanted to give her a piece of my mind (not to mention my fist and my foot)!

I buy my son things like strollers and dolls to play with. I tell him pink is not only for girls, that there are no "boy" toys or "girl" toys. Here I am trying to teach my son to be fair and open-minded, teach him not to be biased, and this stranger comes up and just is unthinkingly undoing it all.

Can someone teach me how to have that "if you come up to me I may bite" look?? This really bugs me. I'm thinking of getting a sign that reads "No trespassers. Beware of Mom." *sigh* Really, how does one perfect that "talk to me and die" look?

The one thing I am grateful for is that she did not greatly impact Z. It took him less than a second to brush off her comment. What a confident, bright child he is!

I did set him straight on the subject, and I made sure his dad reinforced the facts and how wrong this lady was. WRONG!

So, if you have any tips for me, post them. I really need to look mean and (b)itchy. I want to be a Queen B.

Discoveries

I know I have been lax, so I'm going to make an effort to post at least a weekly update. If I don't, you have my permission to kick my big, flat butt.

I can hardly believe we've only been home 1 week. It seems much longer but in a very good way. It was a week of firsts and a week of discovery.

Saturday, the day after we got back, we went to daddy's working place for their open house. We stayed for a little bit and had some fun. Z and I went on the big slide. It was our first time. We each had a blanket and slid down. Whee! He rode a kiddie roller coaster and had some ice cream. The rest of the weekend was for relaxing, catching up on mail and shopping.

On Monday, we joined Patches and had a tennis lession. Z tended to "batter up" with the racquet. The coaches, Miss Suzanne and her husband did a great job with the kids. Z had some good hits and got some running in when they had relay games. He loves to vroom his engines!

Tuesday was a bit busy. I had an early doctor's appointment. Then I snuck in a trip to Joann's and found some containers for Z's toys. (We moved most of his toys up to his bedroom. His daddy wanted to reclaim the living room. I guess he got tired of stepping on cars and over train tracks. The bins I found are clear, stackable, and easy access.) Superkids gymnastic started again, so we headed off to class. Then we jetted home. I packed a lunch, and we had a picnic and some play time at the park. Next was Z's 5 year old appointment (mentioned briefly in the last post). Everything went well. Z is in the 20-25 percentile. I guess he has genes from my side of the family. I'm hoping he makes it over 5'6". If not, thank goodness he's got that great personality! The doctor just mentioned he needs to work on his one-legged balance. He got to a 8-9 count. They wanted him to get to 10. He does very well with the one-legged hopping, though.

Wednesday was just awesome! One of the Patches' parents arranged for the kids to do a rock climb at REI. The beginning was a bit rocky (sorry, I couldn't resist!). Z made it about half way up before throwing in the towel. The second time, he needed tons of encouragement. Everyone started cheering for him, chanting his name. This kid is hilarious. He told the kids "louder!" I'm glad I was filming that part. With a slight tug of the rope to help him over a difficult area, he was able to make it to the top to ring the bell. He was pretty stoked and eagerly did a few more climbs and lots of bell ringing! I even got a chance to climb! I have to admit, I think I did a great job myself for my first climb. You know I rang that bell!

On Thursday, we went to the South Coast Botanic Garden. They were having a kids session on spiders. The kids got to water the plants, getting the water from an "old" water pump. Then they had a craft making a spider web from string, paper plates, and a spider ring for the center. They also had storytime and got to hear 2 stories. The instructors had some cool spiders to show, and one egg sack had hatched so we saw lots of little spiderlings. Spider webs were also discussed, and we went web hunting. The kids also got to plant a spider plant to take home. After the class, we hooked up with another family from Patches and wandered around the gardens. I love hanging out with other parents. I get some good ideas by watching and listening.

Friday was a day for me to get some errands and housework done. We sent some photo discs to the grandparents and went to Costco. We did some laundry. Daddy had a successful day at work after a long week and 16 hours of overtime, so we celebrated dinner at the Lazy Dog Cafe. If you've never been there, I highly recommend a trip. The hummus trio is great. Daddy does not like hummus, but he loves this. Plus the pita they make is so yummy! You can't go wrong with their burgers. This place knows how to cook the meat so that it stays moist and retains the burger flavor, without getting overpowered by the other ingredients. I had the Bleu Cheese New York for the first time. Oh. My. God. D-e-lish! Hubby totally agreed. He had the Gaucho Flatiron Steak and thought mine was way better. It was.

Saturday, I had my first sewing class. Daddy had to go into work, so Z went with him. Z was very excited and dressed like daddy does to go to work. Jeans and a polo shirt. Unfortunately for daddy, daddy needs to concentrate and zone out. Daddy learned that it's nearly impossible to do so with a 5 year old in the room. hee hee. My class went okay. We started making a simple potholder that we made a bias for and had to hand sew. The only problem is the class might get cancelled. We may not have enough students for the class to continue. I'll find out later this week. I hate when my classes get cancelled. I seem to be interested in things that most people aren't. *sigh*

Sunday was laundry and more shopping. I also got to go to my knitting group and the after knitting dinner for one of the ladies. We went to the House of Vege. While the taste was good, some of the textures took some getting used to. Like cubed "chicken" had the consistency of tofu or fish cake. The best dishes were the lettuce cups and the eggplant. Maybe since they weren't trying to be something they weren't, know what I mean? Some of the guests were friends the birthday girl had from work, teachers. Listening to them chat made me so grateful I have the opportunity to homeschool. One of the knitters next to me said if she was pregnant, she'd talk to her husband about moving to avoid raising her kids here. School sounds like a scary place.

Well, that's it for now. Hopefully I'll get some vacation photos up soon. Don't hold your breath.

Sometimes men are from Venus

My husband is from Mars. At least that far out there. I strongly suspect he is from a plutoid. Most times he baffles me and we've gotten into some weird power struggles. But every once in a while, I see a glimmer of hope.

This weekend, he said the magic words. You know, those words, the kind that gets a girl's heart racing and the blood pumping. I'm starting to think, maybe he does understand me a little.

Guys, try this one:

"Do you want to go to Michaels?"

By the way, this only works if you've ever seen your significant other knit, crochet, hot glue, stamp, bake or sew.

If you build it...They will too!

On Tuesday we went to Santa Ana to visit the Discovery Science Center.

Bob was there.

It was a great exhibit, encouraging imagination and creativity. The kids loved "building." They could fix pipes, construct a rock wall, push a wheelbarrow, and build a wooden wall.

Aside from Bob, they had tons of cool science displays that had adults and children enthralled. There was a green screen and costumes so you could see yourself on television swimming with dolphins. You could sit in a shake shack and experience an earthquake. Wind tunnels, smoke, sound... and let's not forget the dinosaurs. Ahh, the wonders of learning and discovery...

But I have to say, one of my favorites was the Animal Grossology exhibit. Scents, parasites, poop and history... all the makings for good entertainment in my book. They don't call me "Cliffette" for nothing, ya know?

The Heart of the Mater

Yesterday as we stood in the parking lot, Z noticed a discarded paper bag rolling on the asphalt. He turned to me and said, "Mom, I want to help the environment." He wanted to pick up the trash that littered the ground.

Today we are going to the beach to do just that.

He amazes me.

What we did in June 2008

This month has sure zipped by. Keeping him busy has kept me busy. Between Patches, gymnastics, soccer, playdates, trips to the library, and other things, it's a wonder I've had time to knit.

Hat for the newest arrival!

In Patches we covered Pet Care with visits from a therapy dog, a family of rats, and some tadpoles. We traveled to the Rainforest and made a felt tree frog and blue morpho butterfly.










The Sixties found us dancing with streamers and rapping paper plate tambourines. Innovative little boys found that their tambourines made better racing objects as they flung them along the floor.

Our bulbs that we planted in March finally bloomed! Cool.









Soccer season for us ended. We had only winners, and Z got his trophy for participation from Coach Rosa.






The City yard had it's open house. We enjoy seeing (and getting into) the many vehicles and learning about ways to help the environment. The freebies are always a plus... a polo shirt, a bag made from recycled plastic bottles, a rubber duckie and toy trash truck, and lady bugs for the garden.

My suggestion to new parents. Save money on toys. Get boxes.

Kids love to explore them, hide in them, and create with them. You can shape them, color them, and build with them. Boxes don't cost much (often you get them for free), and remain a favorite for many years. I learned that I've been spending way too much money on toys. We've made bridges for trucks, used them as cars, and made them into spaceships.
(And apparently they can be used to ambush the enemy...)
Our boxes have even become sleds for zooming downstairs (the strongest are the ones that once held melons). Invest in a box.

We also went to our first ball game.

The Angels were playing the Tampa Bay Rays. Between the food and the fireworks, it held our interest for about an hour.




Whew! I think that's it. I'm starting to learn how to use dpn's (double pointed needles). Hopefully for July I'll have made a pair of leg warmers with my dpn's.

The Best Things come in Little Packages

Welcome to the world, little one.
Your presence has been long awaited.
Such a blessing you are,
and blessed to have such incredible people to call mom and dad.
I can not wait to meet you.
What happiness you bring to us all.
Welcome.

May happened

Despite Lucy's traumatic experience, there were some great things that happened in May... Armed Forces Day

Story teller at the Library

Golden Spike Day (Transcontinental Railroad celebration)

Fire Service Day with a friend

South Coast Botanic Garden with preschool
earthworms
picking up dropped corn to feed ducks



building with marshmallows
sound experiment
gas experiment


and Mother's Day Tea at preschool

Can you hear me now?

A hand to treasure.

My Lessons

I must remember that although Lucy is an adult, she is a canine adult. I am told I must not give her the benefit of the doubt. I must treat her as if she had the mind of a 2 year old child.

DO NOT LEAVE HER UNATTENDED!

Which means I cannot trust her to stay downstairs while I am fixing lunch. Although upstairs is off limits (and she knows this), she cannot resist the lure of exploration and the hunt for treasure. Remember the last time led to the discovery of daddy's stash of donuts.

Yesterday, she joyfully found the opened bag of dark chocolate Hersey Kisses. That joy was quickly dispelled (in more ways than one) with having to drink hydrogen peroxide and throwing it all up. Misery followed with an eventual trip to the ER about 7 hours later.

The diagnosis: Too much acid, dehydrated, low fever, and another expensive lesson for me.

Faggot Stitch Scarf

I've reconnected with the crafty side of me. It's been good. I'm not good, but the activity has been good for me. Here is my first knitted FO. Well, still UFO since I plan to add some crocheted flowers to it. But, the knitted part is done. If you can't tell, it's a scarf.

It is made with a faggot stitch. (Don't ask me about the name. I have no clue. I'm assuming it meant something else once upon a time. British origin maybe? Perhaps it was a smoking scarf...as in a smoking jacket?) I used this pattern. The yarn was an acrylic 4 ply ww, variegated. The needles were size 9.

I'll post the finished finished finished piece later...when it's finished. Right now I have two more knitted things I'm working on. Plus all the other crocheted thing. *sigh* So many projects...so little time.

Mother Bear

Yesterday I took Z to the park to join families for a day of fun. It was our first homeschool park day. I had high hopes of connecting with other mothers with similar aged kids as well as gleaning knowledge from the more experienced ones. Yesterday, I was taught a lesson. Several, in fact.

Homeschoolers are not all nice. Yes, there are bullies everywhere. You can imagine my ire, as I see my little 4 year old coming to me in tears. I had been watching 2 older boys interact with him. From my vantage point, it appeared they found him funny, perhaps even mocking him and his mannerisms. My sweet friendly son came to me pouring his eyes out, and I scooped him up and took off after those boys.

The Mother Bear was unleashed.

I confronted the boys, wanting to know their ages and names. They were 9 and 11. The older was more forthcoming and even a bit more apologetic. The younger was not. Smug. Smirking. It was all a big joke to him. Unremorseful. Even lied to me about his name when it was perfectly obvious I knew he was a homeschooler and that his mother was one of the circle of women about 150 feet away.

How dare they ruin his first park day! Older boys picking on a small 4 year old! It burns me. It burns me that they would do this to such a tender soul who tries to make friends wherever he goes. I worry about what lesson he has unfortunately learned from this and how it will shape him. My only consolation is his resiliency and that sunny nature and generous heart.

The last person to look for a fight, I was not about to let the boys' deeds go unnoticed. I made sure to find out who their mothers were and let them know what had happened. One mother acted with dismay. The other first pointed out that my son had been throwing sand early when her baby was around. Then seemed to collect herself to say her older boy should not have acted as he had. Guess which son was hers?

A little girl came up to me later to tell Z and I that the boys were "bullies". Her words. She explained to my son that they didn't like little boys and that Z should stay away from them. How sad that this girl should know this. Apparently Z wasn't the first to suffer at their hands.

Now, I'm not idealistic enough to believe the boys will have mended their ways. Especially not the dumb smirking smart ass. But they know I will be watching them and they know that any false move on their part will be addressed, if only by me.

My Z does not want to go back to that park. He now associates that park with the boys. It doesn't matter that he played another hour there with a much nicer child. That negative experience has marred him.

We are going to try another park day at another park. I don't know if those boys will be there. If we do run into more bullies, I will ashew the homeschool park days. It's not worth my son's spirit.

My job is to protect him. And I failed him.

Big Britches and Little Butts

Z's gotten such an attitude lately. Yes, we are talking about the same kid here! He thinks he knows it all and tries to correct EVERYONE!! Even perfect strangers. It sounds funny, but it is soooo not. Especially when he asks a question and as you are telling him the answer, he is telling you that you are wrong and he doesn't even know the right answer!! It drives me batty, although I have yet to go grey or pull my hair out.

The kid began recently to regress. Doing all the stuff kids do when they are much younger. Like taking the marker while we are in the car and drawing on his bag (and getting it on his lips). The blue lips we notice just as we are pulling into the parking lot of a restaurant. (So hard not to laugh.) Like opening the paint container on my desk (which he knows better not to touch) which is next to my computer. (I know. Dumb me...but I didn't think he would open it!) Like picking off the googly eyes that we just glued on and saying he did not know picking at them would make them fall off. And while I may have accepted that explanation if only one eye came off, but the kid took off two eyes! That one was not flying.

I had to drag him off during Patches today to have a conversation. He was in such a snotty mood. I asked him if he wanted me to cut his bumble bee wings out for him or if he would like to do it. He just stared at me and had no reply. Then gets in a tizzy about how he has to do the gluing and painting and getting all huffy if I tried to help.

Part of the problem is I'm a softee. I'm not a hitter or a yeller. I'm an occasional time-outter. And I try not to make threats. In my husband's eyes, I am way too soft. And I'd disagree, but Hell, even the dog knows that. Lucy will lick me crazy when she wants a treat. She has trained me well. And now Z is trying too. Thank goodness it's all subconscious. I would be a goner if he really put his mind to it.

I can't tell you how glad I am he is a boy. I don't think I could handle a girl's attitude. At 4 he's got the skills to make my world spin and smoke rise from my ears. The thought of him in 11 years and the battles ahead are enough to make me grab a glass of wine, nevermind the time of day.

Cheers. Here's to parenthood and the neverending battle for dominance. May I win.

March (so far)

Wow! Where have the days gone? It's the middle of March and my first blog for this month.

I've been actively reading all the pertinent posts from my homeschooling groups. An earlier case court had a negative outcome geared towards homeschoolers. For all you not in the know, the judge basically ruled that kids should not be homeschooled unless their parent was a qualified teacher. Now, this has many of us up in arms and ready to do battle. No offense to teachers, but I am edjumacated to teach my kid. Just because I don't have a teaching degree does not mean I am not qualified. And there are a multitude of things I would rather my child not learn from other children in "school". So, I've been busy reading, taking notes, and doing what I can to support the right to homeschool (although we have yet to officially homeschool).

We also added a class to our normal routine. It's called "Patches". It's a homeschooling "class" for the preschool aged. We've meet twice now (every Thursday for 12 weeks). The classes are approximately 1 1/2 hours long. We have a story and do some activity. The first class involved sewing a banner. We earned a sewing patch for that and attached it to the banner. The second class involved planting gladiola bulbs, which earned us a gardening patch. So for each class we earn a patch...hence the name "Patches" (but I didn't have to explain that part, now did I?!). Tomorrow's topic is insects. I've been asked to read a story so I am thinking Eric Carle. It will either be "The very hungry caterpillar" or "The very quiet Cricket".

March seems to be the month for births. Aside from a very special little boy being born a few days ago...we're attended 2 birthday parties and sent a gift to Z's cousin for his birthday. And come to think about it...all were boys! Anyhoo, somewhere along the way Z caught a cold. I was hoping all the hacking and coughing and snot was allergy related since I had similar symptoms and neither one of us had a fever. A trip to the doctor yesterday just to check proved me wrong. Z had a virus. Apparently, so did I. It hit me later that day. It must have hit the hubby too since he came home feeling like crap. (I think it was more psychosomatic since his all occurred after finding out from me that Z was sick and him having shared a drink the day before.) Daddy went to work yesterday and came home early. Sick daddy's get wiped out and had to stay in bed and rest. Z and I are on the mend. Dad went to work today but still feels like crap.

I kept Z out of preschool today. He was still coughing a little and had a sneezy snot so I felt it best to go infect strangers. I took him to the aquarium instead. There were hoards of kids and adults, but it actually wasn't too bad. I picked up a travel guide and found out we could ride the shuttle bus for free. We got on the Passport and rode to the Queen Mary. We walked over to see the Russian submarine. Inside the gift shop you could sit down and watch a short movie simulating events which might have taken place with the 300 foot sub. We even got a souvenir penny that cost me $0.51, but Z lost it when he got distracted by ants. The bus took us back to the aquarium, where we had our lunch, fed the birds, and went back to look at more sea life. It was a pretty nice day.

What else has been going on? Hmm...water pipe had a leak one Saturday that needed fixing ASAP. The plumber cut a nice hole on the outside of my house to fix it. At least it's somewhat discrete. It's on the ceiling as you go up the stairs to my home. We also had a homeowners association meeting the following Sunday. That usually lasts about 2 hours.

I've been going to my knitting meetings too on Wednesday nights and Sunday afternoon in Torrance when time permits. I've been doing my crocheting and knitting here and there. I promise to post more UFO's later (wish I had some FO's to post but that's my problem...too many great projects and not enough hands to finish them all!).

My house is looking trashed. I've got piles of stuff everywhere. Piles of educational material. Piles of crafts for Z. Piles of crafts for me. Regular old housekeeping piles...the bills and ads. Toys. Gifts for Easter. Eeeeek! At least the clothes are clean and the toilets and sink are too!! Small favors.

On Parenting

I'm a professional parent. I get paid in hugs and kisses and tears and the occasional tantrum. Having been the child too, I've learned a few "truths." Right or wrong, these are my views on parenting:

Be consistent.
Be honest.
Teach your child that what you say is what you mean. If your child cannot put faith in your words and actions, how will they be able to do so with anyone else?
Remember to give praise. It's so easy to reprimand...we sometimes forget that praise is just as important.
Be your child's greatest fan. Let them know you love them unconditionally even if you may not agree with the choices they make in life.
Teach your child to be their own individuals. It's okay to beat to a different drum. It's okay to think for yourself.
Teach your child to be self-reliant. Having friends and family to rely on is wonderful, but knowing you have the inner strength to carry you through adversity is a powerful thing.
Television is not a good babysitter.
Play. Play. Play.
Don't compare your child. Not even to another sibling. Remember...individuals! They are who they are and should not suffer or be made to feel any less because they are not a carbon copy.
Don't put undue pressures on your child. "Set a good example for your sister/brother since you are the oldest." BAH! PTOOEY!! That is a load of crap. Your child should behave simply because that's what they should be doing. NOT because they must set an example. If anyone should set any example, it should be YOU!
All children are good. They have the potential to be well-behaved. If they aren't, then...sorry to say...you need to take a look at what you might be doing wrong. Yes...YOU!
All children will screw up. It's called learning. If they don't, they never figure out what is right. Expect it to happen. Unfortunately, we are not perfect. It is not a sin. It's a learning experience. Use the opportunity to teach your child.
Let silly-ness be. Silly is good. Not all the time. Yes, there is a time and a place. Make sure to make the time.
Hugs and kisses are good. Give often.
Love, always.

It's a Small World (Take 5?)

I know! I know! Another one? True! This happened yesterday...

The moving van had just left, and our newest neighbor was outside talking with another neighbor. We went over to introduce ourselves.

She says, "Oh, are you the ones from Hawaii?" We respond affirmatively and do the usual "what island/what city." She tells us she's from Hawaii but had been in California since the 60's. Her gentleman friend tells us she's from the same city I am...went to the same high school ~ albiet before I was a twinkle in my father's eye.

I say, "What year did you graduate?" (It's something typical someone from Hawaii asks. We want to know where you went to high school and what year you graduated. Then we ask if you know so and so and the information binds us together and makes us friends of friends and family. One big ohana.)

She replies, "1963." 1963?!

I ask her if she knew my father. Bam Zip Zowee!!! Holy six degrees Batman!! If you guessed she was my dad's classmate, you win yourself a prize!

Not only were they classmates, but they apparently used to race cars, with my dad prodding her, "One more time." She says he signed her yearbook liberally with the refrain "One more time."

It was wild and weird...another strange coincidence that cements that idea that it really is a small world.

Happy Halloween

Today was my son's Halloween party. The kids were all dressed up in their make-believe finery...princesses to super heroes. They were all very excited because not only did they have a party planned, but they also got to go Trick-or-Treating at the homes of their teacher's relatives and at the classroom next door. The children had been memorizing and practicing a poem which they recited with the mask you see below (the one Zorro made).

Here is Zorro as they finished their Treating. For the third year in a row he is a fireman... (his choice) wearing the exact same costume (I bought it big 3 years ago). I think this may be his last year in it. My, he's growing up.

I know you'd think he would want to be a firefighter when he grows up. But, you'd be wrong. He wants to be a race car.

Uh, no typo there. No, not a race car driver. A race car. I asked. I say, be the best race car you can be, son. I think his aspirations are growing too. It's better than his previous answer... a stop sign. =)