A Hand, Doggy Glam, and a Warm Heart

1. This hand reaching for mine as we go up and down the stairs...


2. $2.50 at Target and an indulgent doggy...

3. My son made sure his friends were warm too...

And one of Zorros's 3BT...Chocolate oatmeal with M&M's and sprinkles...

Chocolate, Cubans, and Smorgasbord

1. A 3 ft sous chef and chocolatey chocolate chip pancakes
2. Buena Vista Social Club on my MP3 (guaranteed to soothe the angry beast and get it to dancing)
3. Whole Food Market array of ready prepared foods (so I don't have to turn on my stove)

My own Happy Happy Joy Joy

As some of you may have noticed, one of my places to visit is called Three Beautiful Things. I've decided to broaden my outlook by attempting to find my own 3BT. That is how I will label them. You will see them from time to time. Some people are talented at conveying feelings through photographs. I'm going to attempt to impart my joys with words.

1. cuddling a kitten ("Z") before breakfast
2. a hug over the phone
3. a clean desk

Dear Doctor

I was scheduled to have my annual GYN check up today. Now, while this is not necessarily something we ladies look forward to (I know, shock to some of you guys, but trust me...we don't), it is definitely a must do to maintain our health. Cervical cancer is a big deal. Heck, cancer is a big deal. So, I made the appointment well in advanced, making sure to write it on several calendars so I wouldn't forget.

I dropped my son off at preschool and headed over for my 9:30 am appointment. Then I proceeded to sit and wait until my name was called.

And wait.

And wait.

Finally I was called in, got undressed and put on that lovely paper shirt with the opening in the front. A quick glance at my watch told me it was already 10:30. I sat for another 10 minutes before getting dressed again.

What was more important than getting a clean bill of health down there? Making sure my son didn't think he was abandoned and picking him up on time.

Really doctors. It's bad enough I have to expose myself to you in that way, but do you really need to keep me hanging too?

Treat me like a valued customer.

If you are already over an hour late at 9:30 am, you are just too over booked. And although, dear doctor, I think you are great, I'm going to have to take that business end of me somewhere else.

My time is just as valuable.

Babe-isms 11/1/07

One of my friends quotes her daughter's cute "-isms."

"Zorro-isms" sounds like quite a mouthful.

I'm tired of "Out of the mouth of babe."

How about "Babe-isms?" Not bad, I think. It fits. I call him babe. He is (and always will be) my baby. Therefore Babe-ism it is!

Here are a few of his latest creations...

"Toasted toast"

"Fastily" (quickly)

"Hibernationing" (the act of snuggling under the covers like polar bears)

"Sizzlicious" (something good!)

Happy Halloween

Today was my son's Halloween party. The kids were all dressed up in their make-believe finery...princesses to super heroes. They were all very excited because not only did they have a party planned, but they also got to go Trick-or-Treating at the homes of their teacher's relatives and at the classroom next door. The children had been memorizing and practicing a poem which they recited with the mask you see below (the one Zorro made).

Here is Zorro as they finished their Treating. For the third year in a row he is a fireman... (his choice) wearing the exact same costume (I bought it big 3 years ago). I think this may be his last year in it. My, he's growing up.

I know you'd think he would want to be a firefighter when he grows up. But, you'd be wrong. He wants to be a race car.

Uh, no typo there. No, not a race car driver. A race car. I asked. I say, be the best race car you can be, son. I think his aspirations are growing too. It's better than his previous answer... a stop sign. =)

You May Love the Nightlife

Mornings alone with my son are one of our most treasured times. I would go to his room to wake him up for the day and he would ask, "Mom? Do you want to snuggle?"

Do I want to snuggle?!

I get into bed with him and under the covers.

Somedays he is "Copycub" {from Richard Edwards' "Copy me, Copycub"}and I am his mommy bear...we are huddled in our warm, safe cave, ready to hibernate as the snow falls outside the entrance. Sometimes he is an egg and I am a mommy duck. He tells me to sit on him and from beneath me I hear a "crack." Then my fuzzy little duckling emerges in a flurry, amidst the down of the comforter.

Mornings are our time. It's our time to bond over hugs, tickles and lots of pretending, but always with a very real love.

I wonder who I'll be tomorrow.

Not just Fine

Me: "How are you feeling today?"

Zorro: "Quite well."

Not just "fine" or "good." "Quite well." Where does he get these from?!

Not So Hot Stuff

The California Wild Fires are insane. Thankfully, we are far enough away that we aren't in any danger. Unfortunately we are close enough to receive the fallout. The past few days the skies have been a hazy gray. Smoke has thickened the air, surrounding us with a faint stagnanting smell of burning tobacco. It has been steadily raining white ash like Californian snow.

I've been trying to keep Zorro indoors as much as possible, forgoing the park and pumpkin patch. Luckily he has caught a cold which gives me more ammunition as to why he should be playing inside and not outside.

We're doing okay. Hopefully all the fires will be contained and out soon. Until then, we're sitting tight.

My son the Know It All

"Dad? Did you know there is lots of sand at the beach?"

Got Rice?

Talk about addictions!

Thanks to Tanya, I am hooked! For free, you can play a game, test your vocabulary skills, learn a new word, AND donate to a good cause. www.freerice.com Check it out!

My Horror-scope

I try to keep an open mind about most everything... with what I consider to be a healthy dose of skepticism since I do tend to be rather naive and gullible. I shy away from fortune tellers and their ilk... not so much because I'm afraid they might be wrong or right, but because I'm too cheap to spend the money on what will be anyhow. (Yeah, I do believe in fate...but then I also believe in making my own---see how f'ed-up I am.)

But I just so happen to read my forecase yesterday and it struck me dead on with it's seemingly clear and concise insight into the core of my current situation. Here's how it begins:

"You are not one who particularly likes structure, dear Capricorn, but know that you probably need it more than anyone else."

Have I mentioned I hate...loathed...detest conformity?! I hate the little uniformed townhomes and rebel against couture. Hence the no make-up, short Fantastic Sam's hair cut, and Goodwill clothes (but I draw the line at the European no-frills armpits...armpits must be shaved!).

But knowing I intend to homeschool may have given you some clue to my views on the matter. Anyhoo, I also hated to have to account for my time at home. If I did 5 loads of laundry, took care of my son from sun up to sun down, did the grocery shopping, cleaned 1 and 1/2 bathrooms, cleaned the kitchen, had the dishes washed, vacuumed, and fed the dog (and cleaned after the dog), does it really matter how much time I spend on the compter in the meantime?!

Am I digressing? Sorry, venting they say is good.

Back to the horror-scope topic, I'm nonchalant, I've been told. I know what I have to do and will see to it that it gets done but please don't tell me how to do it or I may just have to take drastic measures like...tune you out.

But, it is clear I recognize my own need to organization...hence my revamping of my books and files, reorganizing the house, creating and printing many forms to help keep my life in order. So, that being said, it was refreshing to see it in black and white. It helped to hit home.k

"Today would be a good one to take an honest look at your life and see what kind of adjustmenst need to be made in order for you to keep it all in control."

Kinda sends shivers up the spine, don't it?!

"Discipline is a key element to this day. Try to stay focused and not get distracted by your fluctuating emotions."

Wow.

So, I'm taking a step back and taking a closer look at my life.

• I'm not perfect.
• I don't have to be perfect.
• I need to listen to others' "good intentions."
• Other people may be right some of the time.
• I don't have to get defensive or offended.
• I don't have to do things the "right" way.
• It's okay to do things "my" way.
• I need to speak out loud what is screaming in my heart.

I've decided I have to worry less about how other people may react to what I am doing. I have to not internalize their anger or disapproval. Easier said than done but at least I have a somewhat working plan. I have to know what I am doing is right for me.

Fire Safety Month

We went to our first kids craft day at Home Depot last Saturday and made this cool fire truck (crayon holder) with a bit of help from a very nice Home Depot employee.

It is Fire Safety Month so those with kids may want to check out these two sites:

http://www.usfa.dhs.gov/kids/flash.shtm
http://www.sparky.org/index.html

New Truck

Zorro has been wanting a Power Wheels for a long time now. He'll admire them in the stores, sitting in the ones he can, pretending to drive.

We've held off purchasing one since they are a rather pricey toy and storage is a problem.

But, last Friday, we decided the price was right. He'd made it 1 whole week dry in bed sans diapers or pullups. He'd been doing his paperwork without fussing. We'd give him the Power Wheels as a reward and figure out the minor details later.

So my husband tucked the box into our bedroom closet, waiting till after Zorro's bed time to assemble it. The battery took 18 hours to charge so we kept mum (and kept him out of the closet) until it was ready.

We surprise him with the F-150 truck. He is thrilled and amazed, hopping into it immediately. Then he pauses.

"But, there's no cup holder..." he says.

Oy vey! Kids nowadays!

No More

DIAPERS!!

As of Saturday, September 29, 2007, Zorro slept in his underwear.

30 Seconds

A brief reminder...

If you have 30 seconds, please do your part and click to help. It doesn't cost you and thing and you will be making a huge difference.

http://www.thechildhealthsite.com/clickToGive/home.faces?siteId=1&link=ctg_ths_home_from_ars_home_sitenav

Better yet... click everyday!

And Less is More

Decluttering and reorganizing. That's my ongoing mission. I continued again last night, getting rid of about 2 bags of my romance and poetry books and 1 bag of my son's board books. My husband came home to see me reorganizing the books I had left, wanting to know if I could whittle it down to just one book shelf.

Uh... NO!

On top of being a pack rat, I am a bookophile. Is that a word? I think so, but I'm not goint to "Google" right now--y'all know what I mean in any case. I have reading material in every room of the house. In the closet. In the dining room. Under the beds. In the drawers. In the pantry.

Books have been my friends for a long time. Books shared their secrets with me and inveigled me into many adventures. I've laughed and cried with my books. I've treasured them...no folded corner pages, no cracks in the spine. It's damn hard to say goodbye.

So the ones I've kept are my favorites--the ones I return to over and over again. Julie Garwood, Nora Roberts, Elizabeth Lowell, and Christine Feehan are a few of my favorites. They cover the genre in romance from historical to paranormal. Yes, vampires can be very sexy.

Part of decluttering is getting rid of what you don't need. And not accumulating more. That will be a toughie. The key, or so I'm told, is getting rid of something you have if you are getting something new. Out with the old, in with the new. And knowing where you will put the object before you buy it.

I still have piles of crap around the house. But each day I'm tackling them one by one. I figure by next year I should have the house well decluttered. I should probably get rid of the glass plate I was giving at my engagement party that I have never used and is still in the box. No, it wasn't a gift from my Aunt Gertrude... but it was a gift and it's hard to shake that mentality of giving away something someone gave to you.

Decluttering my house... decluttering my life...

Cleaner. Lighter. Better.

Princess Less

If you know me, you know that I am a pack rat. I am proud to say I don't own a cat, and I only have one dog. I can still see my floors, and I throw away my newspapers on a regular basis. I'm not the queen of pack rats. --more like the princess. I can't seem to help myself. I could think of a use for almost anything.

"No! Don't throw it away! I need it!"

You doubt me?!

Here's an example. You know those small plastic containers from drinks like Crystal Light that hold the powder so you just add water in a pitcher?

I save those. They make the perfect containers for holding individual paints during art project time. When we're done, I just rinse them out and save them for next time.

I have also saved yogurt containers which make the perfect size for snacks on the go. The crackers don't get squashed like they do in a plastic baggie and the take up less room than a rubbermaid or tupperware container. I also use them to hold water for our painting projects and have used the lids to hold dabs of paint. The lids are also great to put under table legs to prevent damage to any plastic floor covering you might use.

Package popcorn is saved. It can be reused as package material OR you could paint it and then use it in an artwork. Same goes for macaroni. I saved shoelaces for stringing beads or lacing projects...cleaned, of course. Jars are always a keeper. You never know when you might give a gift of "______ in a jar" or make a snow globe.

The list could go on and on. But I'll spare you my idiosyncrasies.

Lately, I've been getting organized. And I have to admit, it does feel good. It started slowly, but it's been on-going and consistent. I'm not going to win any awards any time soon, but I'm getting better at this. There is an abundance of information out there (and a surprising number of people on the opposite end of the spectrum). One very...um...enlightened organizer that I've checked out for tips is http://orgjunkie.blogspot.com/.

It's only Wednesday, and my floors have been wiped and vacuumed, the bathrooms (all 3) are cleaned. The bedrooms, living room, and dining room are cleaned. The bulk of the laundry is done with socks and undies to last us till next week. And all this done 2 weeks in a row. Yeah. I'm amazed too!

Now if I could only get to cooking dinners...I'd be joining the ranks of June Cleaver. I'd say Mrs. Brady but she had a maid.

Lucky bitch.

Free Love

Lucy is fine. She drank a lot of water yesterday and seemed to be on a little sugar rush, but other than that, she was thankfully normal. I'm so relieved since the hubby has cancelled her "health insurance" policy. He is unwilling to pay for anymore trips to the ER.

Crap.

Well, that's what happens when a dog lover marries a less compassionate soul. To him, a dog is a dog--an animal. Me? I see her in a different light, a more accepting light. I take the good with the bad because the good way supercedes the bad. To me, she's worth it. Money is just money. But then, I'm not the one making any either...

One more thing to worry about

The day started out great. I took Zorro to class and then ran a few errands. I got some items recycled and did some shopping at the 99 cents store. Then I got in about 30 minutes of exercise time. I picked Zorro up and went to drop something off at his pediatrician's office (needed to get a prescription renewed---one great benefit of getting organized is not finding these things out before it's too late). Then we called a friend and had lunch with her at McDonald's. I went home...

The dog was out of her cage. I checked around briefly and saw the living room and kitchen looked in great condition...which basically meant she hadn't gotten into anything. Then, I went upstairs.

Sitting on the floor was an empty box of donuts. Crumbs were scattered amongst the blue and gray fibers of the rug. I knew there had been two donuts left in the box...and at least one had been a chocolate covered one. Yeah. I'm thinking "Great."

I call the vet's office and am told to watch her. The amount of chocolate she ingested was probably nothing too serious. But, still watch for abnormal behavior...vomiting etc. She seems pretty normal right now. I'm just waiting for the clock to reach closing time. That's usually when she starts having problems and I end up having to take her to the ER.

So, I'm keeping my fingers crossed that she'll have no ill effects and make a reminder to make sure the cage is locked securely to keep her safe from chewing gum, chocolate, and whatever else her daddy may have left lying out.

Love and Duty

The hubby worked hard all week to get today off. Unfortunately, it was all for naught. He was called in for jury duty and is at the local courthouse today. He is not a happy camper. Neither is Zorro who was looking forward to daddy taking him to preschool and showing off the classroom toys, especially the assortment of Chevron cars.

While I feel for hubby (I really do!), I still get my free time during Zorro's class. WOOHOO!! I have my exercise outfit planned, packed my fanny pack (yes, I still use one), and have my MP3 player ready to go. Rascal Flatts and I can eat some serious pavement together.

After getting on the scale a few days ago and seeing I gained--and continued to gain--weight, I gave myself an ass-whooping. Big ass...Big whooping. So, I'm happy to report I made some effort to eat less (portion size and caloric intake) and to get in some exercise. I got on my mini stepper 3 days in a row--granted it was only 15 minutes per day but it was more than I had done in months. I also managed to do some girly-man push-ups and some crunches. I am going to get back to happy and to happy weight!

I reread some of my past blogs, blogs of my happier days. I read the love I felt for my son, my joy of him. I read the pride I felt in myself, the joy of being who I was--mommy, wife, friend. I also read my time of tears and confusion. And saw the days and weeks of missing entries. And the missing pages spoke for themselves.

And here I am.

The love for my son never left--but the love for me and my interests had waned. It was a struggle to smile and attempt to make each day seem normal. It was a struggle not to let my sadness show through and not to let it touch the brightness of my son. I don't have to try anymore. I don't have to fake it. I made it. It feels normal and right. I feel good. I feel so incredibly good and I know how lucky I am to be here. It's such an amazing difference to how I felt just 2 months ago. Like night and day.

And writing again...soothes my soul once more.

Hello, old friend. Hello.

Tell Me More

I've been trying to decrease the television watching in our house. A new rule was implemented. Paperwork or housecleaning in exchanage for tv time. After my cleanup day, there was no more cleaning to give Zorro though he desperately wanted to (he hates paperwork--paperwork is what we call writing or workbook activities). But I remain firm...no paperwork, no tv. And so this morning I hear his little voice tell me of what happened while I was at the doctor's last night:

"Mom...the last day--daddy let me watch tv and I didn't do paperwork or write my name or clean up."

"Oh, really? I guess I'll have to put daddy in time out. Why did he do that?"

**silence**

Probably running through his head...loosely translated, of course... "Oh shit?!"

But, I'm a good mommy, so I ask if he'd been a good listening boy. He says he had, so I say "that's why daddy let you watch television. Because you were a good listening boy, you earned television watching."

Parents have to back up one another and make sure the rules are being followed and throughly explained to the children so we are all on the same page.

Grrrrrr...Just wait till your daddy gets home....

The Weight is Over

As I battled the psychological war, the Battle of the Bulge continued to rage on with the enemy steadily gaining ground and winning. UGH!

Solace and comfort is found in the pantry. But as my pants grow tighter, so does the disgust with myself.

Besides trying to schedule in vacuuming and laundry and washing the dog and classes and "ME" time, I need to squeeze in exercise...because I am tired of squeezing into my clothes! I miss when they felt loose, when I could see the ridges of my belly and the bones on my ribcage.

Damn you!! Damn you chocolate cake, pistachio ice cream, apple pie, bread pudding, Lay's sour cream and onion potato chips (OH why can't I have just one?!), animal crackers, peanut butter.....!!!!!!!

My eating habits have slowly slipped back into familiar routines. Bad routines. I'm going to restart by just adding exercises. I can do that. And cutting back slowly---breads and rice and potatoes (bye bye Lay's)...eating more nutritious foods---salads and fruits---and drinking more water.

Today is my day to help out in Zorro's class so I must go and get a load of laundry started and get him up for breakfast.

Wouldn't it be great if BUSY=POUNDS LOST?!

HELLO UNCLE NORMAN!! GLAD TO SEE YOU ARE READING. GUESS I CAN'T TALK ABOUT YOU NOW!

Hats Off

Zorro's first day of preschool went great. I found out that due to the small size of the class, parents are required to sign up for a minimum of 5 days to help out. The teacher also requested people sign up for more days to help out those who had multiple kids enrolled or those that couldn't help out so much. The whole point of signing Zorro up for preschool was for me to get time away from him. Now it seems I will still be there in the classroom at least for about 7 days. I thought this was hilarious. The hubby did not think it was so funny. But, then, he has to live with me at my worst. Which is still pretty good (and funny in a crazy kind of way).

So now I am trying to schedule my time to be most efficient...so I don't get so overwhelmed and frazzled. And I have to schedule in things like classes and drive time and vacuuming and laundry. And I am a stay at home mom...and I wonder how in the world I would manage it all if I had a 9 to 5 job that I had to go to. I don't know that I could do it. I don't know how other ladies manage it and stay sane and raise not only one child but two or three of four. What a feat!! Hats off to you!!

Separation Anxiety

Today Zorro starts his first day of preschool. The class is Monday, Wednesday, Friday for 2 hours each day. Unlike other classes we've taken together, he will attend on his own while I wait for the time to be over. While I think I will enjoy having some alone time---time which I intend to spend getting some exercise in or getting together with a friend---this is a rather daunting experience...not so much for him, but for me.

This is the first time he will be away from me in the care of a stranger. I know logically this person is employed by the city and has done this class many times before, but never with my child. It's scary I must say. Terrifying. I am putting my most beloved and precious person, my heart, into the arms of someone I have never met before and know nothing about. I am trusting this person to keep him safe and to watch over him until he is back into my arms.

I had a talk with Zorro last night, reviewing safety tips. He knows who his safe adults are and knows not to leave with anyone else. I placed his name tag on his shoe with our pertinent information just in case he gets lost. He will be wearing another on his clothing and one around his neck. I know. Paranoid...but he doesn't know his phone number or address and I'd rather be safe than sorry. Much much rather he be safe.

So mommy's having a wee bit of separation anxiety. Daddy has no clue because it's mommy's secret.

I know people do this all the time. I know. I do. Kids go off to school. Kids get left with babysitters and nannies. Kids go to camp. But, I don't. And not my kid. So, this is a first for us. For me. I know he'll be fine. And I will too.

Mental dialog:
This is good for us. (repeat)

Smooth Talker

Zorro was checking out my neck.

"Mommy? What are these?" he asks, pointing to my moles (little mole not big MOLEY MOLEY MOLEY!).

"That's mommy's skin."

"I love them," he says pressing a kiss to the side of my neck.

My little lovey.

Watch out ladies! He's only going to get better!

Tic Tac

Zorro was tapping his feet and created his own game.

"Let's play Tip, Tap, Toe."

Define "Alright"

I was in rare form yesterday.

There was no pressure for me to do much of anything in a specific timeframe. I didn't feel rushed or harried. My nerves weren't rattled. My smile was genuine.

My husband came home to find me in the midst of cleaning the house. This was at about 2:00 pm. 3 hours later...I'm still cleaning.

"Are you alright?" he queries, concerned because in the past, I get upset...I clean.

I smile and say "yes" and mean it. I continue to dust and reorganize. I even managed to throw stuff away...pack rat that I am...and not shed a tear or blink an eye. (Just a few stuff, mind you...I can't part with everything---who knows for what and when I may need it?!)

It feels pretty good to be in control again. In control in more ways than one.
A few times the hubby checks on me to make sure I am indeed "alright."

Yes, I am finally feeling like I may just be alright. =)

Faster than a Speeding Bullet

WOW! Have you all just been waiting?! I can't believe you are all here and just a day after I restarted! And I didn't even have to send out announcements!

YOU ARE THE BEST!!

I am so lucky to have such great friends!! THANK YOU!!

GROUP HUG!

I actually got the gumption to start back in the kitchen. Yesterday I made Thai papaya salad after a long hiatus. The husband was starting to get worried I may never cook again. (Of course there is no cooking involved with this salad but you get the idea.) I may even attempt another dish in a few days. No need to rush into these things. Don't want to over do it, you know.

Finally got a referral to see an allergist. That visit will take place next week. Hopefully it will help me get a night's rest without waking up half a dozen times coughing. And I'm quite sure the hubby would appreciate any help in his getting a full rest too. It seems to be bothering him more than it does me. But, I'm not up at 4:00 am either (at least not by choice).

Whoooeeee. Two days in a row of blogs. I think it may rain in California tonight! And no therapy tonight. My doc cancelled and rescheduled for next week. Guess she's not too worried I'm going to crawl into a hole and hibernate for the winter. Maybe by next week I'll have something to report to her other than "I'm fine" and have it mean fine fine and not F.I.N.E. fine. Know what I mean? At least I know one of you knows.

And Zorro is sure making gains towards adulthood. He's gone from diapers to pullups at nights. He wears just undies at nap time. We also took off the gate to the bathroom so he can take himself to the toilet. And out of about 12 days, he was totally dry 11, holding his pee till the morning. I'm just incredibly proud of him in so many ways. I am so so lucky to be his mother. I really am.

Ooooooohhhhhhhhh!!! It's good to be back! Feels so so good! I want to jump and shout and sing (yes, I'll spare you all the singing). I can't explain how good it feels to feel myself. Not literally with my hands. Gawd! Get out of the gutter!!

I'm happy.

Have a good night all.

Have you given up?

I know it's been a long time, and for me---it's been a longer haul. The good news is...I am still here! And things are much better. At least for today I can say that!

Actually the past week has been good. Getting this all out in the open has made things easier for me. I've been blessed with a man who---although it doesn't happen often---makes an effort to know me. More importantly, he tries to give me what I need. So, if the crazy woman needs time for herself (although he may grumble), he gives me my "timeout".

Having mommy on "timeout" has been working well. It made him see that just because mommy is here and my son is asking for me, it doesn't mean he can't and shouldn't intervene. So now when mommy is on "timeout", daddy gets the questions and comments and playtime.

My husband is also starting to read me better and recognize my overwhelmed, frazzled look. Yes, it is possible for a man to start learning about his wife...even if it takes 10 plus years. Hey, it's a step in the right direction. And when he recognizes it, he makes a good effort to help me. Sometimes I need a walk. Sometimes I need a hug. And sometimes a Mojito is just what the doctor ordered.

I've been taking some time for me. I'm learning to get organized so I don't get overwhelmed. I'm learning to not put so much importance in one area and focus more on having fun and relaxing. I'm learning that other people's emotions should not directly affect me. If you are mad about something, I should let you deal with it. It does not have to be MY problem. I don't have to get upset too, especially when there is nothing I can do.

I control me. That I can do. So the focus reshifts to me. Getting me well. Getting me what I need to be happy. Keeping myself in check and in balance. I'm still seeing my therapist but the last session 3 weeks ago she let me out early. First she had to laugh as I recounted the events of my life, making me feel a little justified in my kookiness. Then I was let out early...I guess you could say for good behavior.

I go for my next visit tomorrow night. I don't have much to report. No news IS good news.

I feel better than I have in months.

I feel happy.

I feel hopeful.

The Will

Before I begin my topic, I want to say "Thank you." I've been gently reminded these past few weeks that I have not been writing here. Thank you for your continued interest, friendship, and for bearing with me. I sincerely appreciate being appreciated and the patience and loyalty you have shown me. It will take me some time to get back to where I was...my humor and wit have been buried under an avalanche of darker emotions and have just begun to dig themselves out. It's a slow and arduous endeavor but one well worth the effort. At least I think so.

If I had one word to describe myself---my new current self---it would be "frazzled." I find that I have succumbed to that image of the overworked, the overwhelmed, and the out-of-control. Where I was once stoic and able to let barbs bounce off me without making a whimper, I now am a gelatinous mess...wailing in agony over each little unintentioned prick.

Somewhere along the way I lost the mask I wore, and my soul is bared--naked, unprotected, and all too vulnerable. It feels so alien to be not quite me, to know I am and yet I am not. It's extremely frustrating and all I can do is keep trying, keep struggling to regain all that was me. To do anything else would be to do the unthinkable.

So each day I work. Some days I do better than others. But I'd like to think I'm moving forward, consistently forward to my image on normalcy---to my state of happiness, regaining control and balance and simply to be at ease once again.

I want to return to me. Some day I will. I will and so will it be.

Regarding Vegas

What happens in Vegas DOESN'T stay in Vegas...

I managed to bring back unwanted 6 pounds.


There is a reason you are given 3 or 4 spoons with your chocolate diablo. It doesn't mean to pick the best spoon and eat it all by yourself. SHARE!

What I learned on my summer vacation

(or in other words---MOO!)

1. I cannot eat everything I want to eat.
2. I must actually exercise and not just wear the exercise clothes I brought.
3. Do not eat the chocolate diablo all by yourself.
4. Do not eat the chocolate diablo twice in 1 week.
5. Do not eat the chocolate diable twice in 1 week all by yourself.
6. I do not gain weight in the same places as before (fat is unevenly distributed).
7. I cannot let myself get more than 5 pounds away from goal.
8. It is possible to gain 6 pounds in 1 week.

Back to basic training...BCB.

Be Back in July

Computer having trouble computing.

Anticipate I'll be back in July.

Will you?

Damn Bad, Damn Glad

Zorro: "Damn."

Me (double taking): "What did you say?"

Zorro: "Damn."

Me: "That's not a nice word. I don't want you to say that again. Okay?"

Zorro: "Okay."

Me (checking): "Where did you hear that from?"

Zorro: "From daddy."

Whew. Damn glad it wasn't from me.

What is Fun

fire engines and firefighters
(mom thinks so too) anything involving water and getting wet

chocolate, chocolate, and more chocolate

wooden clothes pins, bed sheets and imagination

mom on a good day

All by Himself: Getting Dressed

This morning my son dressed himself. All by himself.

He took out a t-shirt and carefully figured out the front and back.

He chose his own underwear (Lightening McQueen boxer briefs).

He pulled out a (thank goodness) matching pair of pants (currently he's into sweat pants...I think cause they are easy on, easy off for those moments where OMG I held my pee too long).

The shirt was half tucked into his pants. The pants were pulled up to his nipple line, making him look like a cute Asian Urkel. But he did it.

I knew he could put on his shirt. I knew he could put on his underwear. I knew he could put on his pants. But it was the first time I knew he could do it all at once---all by himself---that he could dress himself without needing my help at all.

My little boy is growing up.

Mind over Matter

I'm not exactly sure if the title has anything to do with what I'm about to write, but it seemed good enough when I started. I've been gently reminded that I should get back here and back to writing.

So here I am.

The medication I have been on for depression has been working wonders. To feel normal again is such a blessing.

For me, the depression happened in an instant. I woke up on April 23, 2007, and there it was. No one died. Everything was going well...my son, my husband...everything was normal---except for me. I found myself feeling utterly alone in the world, without friends. I cried for the next 4 days in a row. My husband said I was acting like my best friend had died, which was exactly how I was feeling. He determined I was not merely "sad" but was "depressed."

I really hate to use the word "crazy," but that is how I felt. My emotions were out of control. Some days I'd be full of sadness. Other days I'd be irritable, short of patience, and ready to snap. I was a far cry from the easy going, go-with-the-flow, happy-go-lucky person I normally was.

I'm lucky. I have angels looking out for me, prodding me. I got treatment early. I have a great support system. And I have great friends who have been so incredibly understanding and accepting. I've even learned that some of them also suffer from Depression, and I have been helped tremendously with their individual experiences and insights. While it is sad that so many people seem to have this, I'm glad I'm not alone.

I watched Oprah. I've read articles. I know Depression is an illness. I know there are chemical changes that occur in the brain which causes it. BUT, there is a tiny, insiduous part of me that clings to the idea that having this illness makes me a weaker person, mentally or otherwise. There's a negative connotation of Depression that makes people keep it a secret illness. After all, it does occur in the brain---we think...brain...mental illness...crazy. And while I don't think of others with Depression as crazy, when it comes to me, it's almost like I should be stronger...I shouldn't need to take medication.

I think Depression needs to be thought of as brain cancer, not mental illness. Depression eats away at every aspect of your life. Without treatment, it will continue to run unchecked and take over completely. I need to change the way I think about it and myself.

I refer to my medicine as "my crazy pill." I need to stop doing that. At the very least, it's "my happy pill" or "my normal pill."

What it truly has been is "my lifeline."

Staying Strong

I seem to be

Weekend Update

I danced with my son to Kenny Chesney.
I ate a bagel and had chai alone at Panera Bread.
I got to recline in the quiet room in the spa.
We saw the National Guard racing car.
My husband did the cooking and the laundry.
I washed the dog and cleaned up the dirty dishes. Yes...there were lots.
I have not cried or shed a tear since Monday.
It's been good.

Gray Skies...

are going to clear up!

I'm doing well...better than I was 3 weeks ago. Each week seems to be getting a little better. I'm letting women into my life, confiding and trusting, and slowly giving myself some time to make those all important friendship connections.

Everyone I know has been wonderful and supportive!

It hasn't been smooth sailing, but I like to be positive (at least my old side has and it's been winning...at least for the moment) so the bright side is that I have more good days than bad.

I went out last night with a new friend (named aptly JOY) to a MOPS meeting. It was the first time I'd been out with another person other than my son and my husband in I don't know how long. It was nice. Very nice. Definitely something I will need to do again.

Tomorrow will be a morning of spa pampering for me at Burke Williams. I will enjoy myself. TRUST ME!!!

About Yesterday

From Dove to Criminal Minds

Last night's episode I heard this quote, and it gonged inside my head:

"Nothing is permanent in this wicked world - not even our troubles."
--Charlie Chaplin

The struggle continues

Trying and trying and trying and trying

Chocolate Wisdoms

Whether by fate or coincidence,

I've been getting messages from Dove chocolate.

Sometimes life is just too funny.

Messages received.

And the battle continues

Today

What I did yesterday

I listened to water tinkling out of a fountain as the roar of an engine burst from the my little boy running round the track.

I watched a snail creep across the brick ground as a curious boy explored its many wonders.

I saw the fierce concentration of a young artist as an elephant was painted.

I lost a race to a boy and his truck.

I flew a kite.

I took a walk down the street with my son and his truck.

I smiled.

On My Way Back

4 more things

Yes! I actually found 4 more things to make me smile yesterday. Of course I still found myself naked in the bathtub crying in the dark as I listened to my MP3 player, but after 9 hours of sleep, I'm much better.

You ever notice how every fricking song has lyrics just for you when you are sad. Last night I listened to my shuffled tunes and heard:

"Guess mine is not the first heart broken
My eyes are not the first to cry
My heart is saying don't let go"

"Don't if feel like the wind is always howl'n?
Don't it seem like there's never any light!
Once a day, don't you wanna throw the towel in?
It's easier than puttin' up a fight.
No one's there when your dreams at night get creepy!
No one cares if you grow...of if you shrink!
No one dries when your eyes get wet an' weepy!"

But it's all about perspective I guess. So, I made myself listen to more "Annie."

"When I'm stuck a day that's gray and lonely,
I just stick out my chin and grin and say,
Oh! The sun'll come out tomorrow
So ya gotta hang on 'til tomorrow come what may"

And here are the 4 more things that made me smile yesterday:

*********************************

1. An email from JellyBean's Mom saying we could hang out. (THANKS!)

2. My awesome online buddies! (THANKS! THANKS!)

3. Pouring my heart out to an unsuspecting neighbor, having her pour the wine (we shared a bottle), and getting another invite to hang out. (THANKS! THANKS! THANKS!)

4. Sending this image to Alwyn and having him almost choke on his apple. Seeing this guy on Alwyn's MySpace just gives me the giggles.

Enough is Enough!

Stop. The. Bus.

I'm getting off. I'm not going to let myself continue this way. I am going to make myself happy or cry trying.

So, it's back to looking for the silver linings and gratitudes for me. Luckily, I am blessed with the best little boy in the whole world. (Yes, I did say the best!) He makes me laugh and appreciate my life every stinking day.

How could you not laugh when you hear an imperious, "Mom! Wipe my butt!"

In the spirit of Three Beautiful Things, I will try to come up with 3 things that made me smile. At least for today.

*********************************

1. The Homer Simpson like sound of pleasure from my son as he tried Cocoa Puff cereal for the first time.

2. The sight of Family Guy's Brian slapping Lois's butt. (You gotta find comedy where you can.)

3. Because I have been the bunny.

Still Blue

Blue Mood

"Nobody tells me. Nobody keeps me informed. I make it 17 days come Friday since anybody spoke to me."
--Eeyore
From book The House at Pooh Corner by A. A. Milne

A Good Question

Zorro: Why does Bert have toothpaste?
Me (Tired from all the why questions): Why do you think he has toothpaste?

Zorro: Bert has no teeth. Why does he have toothpaste?
Me (laughing): Good question.

Inspiration is everywhere

even on the inside of a Dove Dark Chocolate wrapper

It's starting to make sense to me

"A writer writes not because he is educated but because he is driven by the need to communicate. Behind the need to communicate is the need to share. Behind the need to share is the need to be understood. The writer wants to be understood much more than he wants to be respected or praised or even loved. And that perhaps, is what makes him different from others."
Leo Rosten

Today's Paperwork

Today Zorro did a phenomenal job with his paperwork.

He did this dot to dot all by himself.

And look at his skills with prewriting and writing.

How I measure success

I attempted to make a Rosemary Onion Bread.

The yeast was good.

The proofing is in the pictures.

I made a Rosemary Onion Bread.

It actually turned out and tasted decent.

Half the loaf is gone, and I wasn't the one doing all the eating.

And I didn't get cut or injured.


Recipe was from here: http://www.cooksrecipes.com/bread/rosemary_onion_bread_recipe.html

How to keep a preschooler entertained

At Leo's they had a plastic disposable cup for kid's drinks. Pictured were circus themes: a clown, a pink poodle, an elephant and lots of balloons. The writing on the cup instructs the kids to count the red balloons.

So I tell Zorro.

He begins to count, turning the cup as he does so. He is a good counter, turning and turning and turning the cup...getting all the way to 17. There were only 8, but it was cute to see he didn't know when to stop and hadn't realized he had already counted the same balloons.

Me noodles

My husband took us to Leo's (a Mexican restaurant) to have lunch. As we approached, I could see a sign and read it aloud, "Menudo."

Zorro says, "No, my noodles."

Huh?

Yesterday's Word of The Day:

abecedarian \ay-bee-see-DAIR-ee-uhn\, noun:
1. One who is learning the alphabet; hence, a beginner.
2. One engaged in teaching the alphabet.

Anyone else confused?

I made an A

"Look Mom! I made an A."

Dang it!

He sure did!

He wrote his first A on the computer with the mouse.

That deserves a day of bowling. Let's go...

1st Time Bowling

We went bowling for the first time today.

Zorro played 3 games. I played 2.

He averaged 66 points and even managed to get a couple of 9 point frames.

WOOHOO!

(And look Kim...No hat!)

Coloring Bertie

I thought he did such a great job coloring Bertie, so I wanted to share.

Parental Pride

The Art Class Egg Hunt

He impatiently awaits the starting bell

Keeping an eye on the prize

CHARGE!!

Homanah! Homanah! Homonyms!

On Thursday I took Zorro to the park. He wanted to take off his shoes and socks. So as I helped him take them off, I say, "Oh, you want to go bare foot."

He corrects me with, "No, I don't want to have a bear foot. I want people's foot."

Reflections from Art Class

Sometimes I wish I had a magic zapper finger. I could point it at really stupid parents and make it so they couldn't have any more children. But then that still leaves me with the problem--them raising the kids they do have.

Crap.

Quiz for those who like to quiz

You know how people are always sending and answering those all important, personal questions? Well, I just read one today that stated "This may just be the most random survey you've ever taken!!" and have cut and paste a few of the more unusual questions. The responses are mine. If you want to play along, answer a few (or all depending on how much time you have on your hands). Here we go:

1. What is your best friend's Mom's name? Mom has a best friend?

2. What your fave type of cheese? Cheddar

3. Who was the hottest teacher you ever had? Someone had a hot teacher??? JEALOUS! None of mine were even lukewarm. No offense.

4. Have you ever made out in a movie theater? Yes, who the hell hasn't? And if you haven't... LOSER!

5. What body part do you wash first? My hair--on my head (you are so dirty)

6. Do you have any piercings? just my ears so far

7. What's your fave childhood movie? I'm changing this question to childhood movies that made me bawl: Charlotte's Web, Old Yeller, Dumbo, Bambi...what gives?!

8. Do you have an innie or an outtie? innie if I'm skinny

9. What's your favorite flavored Pringles? I'd rather eat Lays. Then Doritos. BUT, if I had to pick a Pringle, it would be sour cream and onion.

10. Have you ever been tied up? Does in traffic count? If not, then no. At least nothing that comes to mind at the moment.

11. What was the worst thing you ever got grounded for? I don't know. I wasn't the grounding type. I was a strange kid who grew into a strange adult. I don't think you can call it grounding if I enjoyed being alone in my room reading a good book.

12. . Have you ever been to a gay bar? Yes...And so have you Alwyn!

13. Have you ever had friends with benefits? You mean like with a car or money?

14. Is there one thing all of your love interests have had in common? They had a Y chromosome.

15. Did you french kiss before you were 16? Yes, but it would have been nice to have been warned in advanced. I was sure surprised to find a tongue down my throat.

16. Have you ever been cow-tipping or snipe-hunting? no but I caught a jackalope once.

17. What was your childhood nickname? Stump (The unmentioned 8th dwarf)

18. Have you ever peeked in the opposite sexes room with binoculars late at night? Isn't this illegal?

19. Name something you do when you're alone that you wouldn't do in front of others? Play spoons on my naked boobs while farting to the Mickey Mouse Theme Song. Oh, "wouldn't do." Scratch that. I'll have to think. Let me get back to you.

20. What is your favorite boardgame from childhood?Again, LOSER! Who liked playing boardgames when you could be out on your bmx bike?

21. How many drinks does it take before you get drunk? One is enough. But for a really good time...

22. Have you ever sniffed an animal's butt? HUH? That's a little personal, now.

23. Have you ever stuck a foreign object up your nose? Like a chinese snow pea? Or an Italian zucchini?

24. Have you ever gotten caught farting while on a date? Not on a date. Guess you missed that blog.

25. Have you ever played naked twister? Board game! Bored game.

26. Have you ever been drunk at work/school? no

27. How many Jasons do you know? 2

The Burning Question

My son and I were at Walmart this weekend. Upon entering we were informed Spiderman was going to be there in about 10-20 minutes. They were doing free photos with Spidey.

We had nothing better to do (dad was home sick), so Zorro and I went to see him. I never thought about it, but I guess Spidey is a pretty shady character to look at for the uninitiated.

Although Zorro has willingly hugged just about every masked creature we've run across, from Sparky the Fire Dog to Goofy, Zorro could not be coaxed into doing much more than offer Spidey a wave of his hand. He was absolutely not interested in getting any closer to Spidey, more than content to view him from afar.

Later in the car, he asked me, "Why does Spiderman have no eyes?"

Kids Concepts Playdate

The elusive yellow dolphin is spotted
frolicking in a sea of colorful orbs

We’re going on a mission
Start the countdown
5, 4, 3, 2, 1
Everyone to rocket,
rev it up now
RRRRRRRRR
We’re going on a trip
In our favorite rocket ship
Zooming through the sky
Little einsteins

You Boob Tube

Beauty is all around us. So is humor.

Today I decided I needed to get back to exercising PITA or not. I turned on the television and got on my mini stepper and began searching the guide for something to watch. Scanning the choices, I landed on Maury. Every once in a while, I'll watch. Come on--admit it, you watch it too. It's hard to resist Jack Hanna and a baby white tiger.

This program was a repeat. How I missed it in January I'll never know. (This was said very sarcastically, BTW.) It asks the question: "Did my man cheat on me because I have one leg?"

Yeah. He did. And the half-brain thing probably contributed too.

So I opted not to watch Maury. I watched Dr. Keith instead..."Fat and Happy in Hollywood."

Ah well...at least I got my exercise in.

Discovered the hard way

I am not ready for slides.

Ass pain takes a long time to heal.

Scrambled to Hell

Yesterday was the day from HELL!

Remember the scrambled eggs? Well, as I cooked it, I did the erroneous thing of letting him watch television. After breakfast, he wanted to do his Disney Preschool Time online, which I agreed to.

It all went down hill after that. He didn't want to do any paperwork, preferring to sit on the couch and do nothing instead. It was a pure power struggle. I let him sit there, and just reminded him he was on the couch because he'd rather do that then do a few papers.

Thank God he eventually capitulated. Paperwork done.

But, the power struggles continued. And I think the little bugger has it in his head that mom's a loving pushover. He thinks cute will get him back in my good graces. He has yet to learn that if mom's not talking much and cleaning the house like a madwoman--things are not going to be in your favor.

When his daddy got home, he was not much better. After a few more incidents, dad put him on the couch. The final straw was the pillow with my son's saliva on it. When asked why he licked it, his response was because daddy hadn't been watching him. Daddy marched him upstairs for a speedy bath and teeth brushing and put him to bed. About 45 minutes earlier than normal.

I had told Zorro I hoped he would be better today. If not, we would be going to our park playdate, and he would be sitting on the bench just watching the other kids play with his toys.

I can be a sadistic hardass. Just try me.

Hopefully no more on this to come.

Suess got it Right

Ever since Zorro was a baby, he has not liked eggs. We tried giving it to him prepared in different ways--scrambled, boiled--to no avail. Whether it's the taste or texture, the result has been the same. He gags.

So after reading a story the other night, he got it in his head he wanted to also eat scrambled eggs for breakfast. He woke up saying, "scrambled eggs."

I made him scrambled eggs. On his plate was a piece of toast (buttered with jelly) and 1/2 a slice of bacon. He tasted the eggs and pronounced it good.

After breakfast, everything was eaten--except the eggs, which he now said was not good. (He usually tries something and says it's good and then refuses to eat any more, so we know it really wasn't.)

Green eggs or not, he does not like it. And now he knows for sure. Maybe he will try again in a few years. Are eggs an acquired taste?

Trip to the Dentist

On Saturday my husband and I noticed my son's front tooth was turning gray. About 2 weeks ago, his tooth had run smack into a little girl's forehead. She was fine. My son cried up a storm for a bit, then we promptly forgot about it. Until it changed colors.

I took him to the dentist, knowing very well there was little they could do about it. Still, it's best to be prudent. So, we went. According to the dentist, it was a wait and see thing. If severe damage was done, a root canal would be in order. He could have also damaged the permanent tooth that showed up in the x-ray, touching the injured tooth. Apparently, it could be months to a year before you may see any damage in an injured tooth. And since this was his second injury (the first was a chip), he needed to be careful not to do further damage. It is apparently prevalent in thumb suckers, their teeth jut out making them more prone to getting hit.

I explained to my son what the doctor said. I wanted him to be aware and just try to be a little more careful. As careful as an active 3 year old could possibly be.

So we go to Kmart so he can window shop (toys), and he sees some kids running to their mom who is standing by us. He puts his hands out in front to brace himself and hollers, "Nooooo!" Of course everyone probably thinks he is fruity as he procedes to tell them why they cannot hit him and what his dentist has said (something I can only understand).

At least by Jove, I know he's got it. Even if it's just for the moment.

For my Fans

Since some of you have asked...I'm posting a snippet of my current chapter (chapter 4). Kim finally does it. WAY TO GO KIM!! BTW, this is a sex scene if you haven't figured it out so if you don't want to read it, avert your eyes now!

“Okay?” he asked concerned, gritting through his teeth. I nodded, nipping his neck. In a rush, my breath left as he filled me, sinking deep, all the way within me. My body strove to accommodate his dimensions, bombarded by the onslaught of stimulants. He withdrew, causing me to wrap my legs around him to hold him.

I forced him back, driving my hips up to meet him. He pressed down, and I felt a stunning jolt. I was swiftly discovering all the things I liked—the play of muscles beneath my hands, the fullness of him, the lightning sensations rippling low in my womb as he undulated. I clenched my inner walls experimentally.

“Witch,” he hissed. I was feeling unbelievably powerful and singularly female.

“I prefer ‘sorceress,’” I said tartly, clenching tightly once more. He dropped his head, kissing me with fierce abandonment. Our exchange turned frantic as the stakes were swiftly anted.

Open more than your eyes

"Everything has its beauty, but not everyone sees it."
Confucius

B and E

The boys, "B" and "E"

at the park

Move over Bob the Builder.

There's a new crew in town.

They are calling themselves

Chicago Tallytoady.

That's Spanish, apparently, for something.

Why I am a Dog Person

I got this in an email. I am a dog person, and well...I have nothing better to write about, AND this is just plain funny. Even dogs understand the Secret! :P

"Excerpts from a Dog's Diary"
8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
12:00pm - Lunch! My favorite thing!
1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
5:00 pm - Milk bones! My favorite thing!
7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!

"Excerpts from a Cat's Diary"
Day 983 of my captivity. My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.

Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a "good little hunter" I am. Bastards! There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of "allergies." I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage.

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs. I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded. The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicate with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe. For now...

Speed, I am Speed

Last night while we were putting our son to bed, he says to us, pointing to some toys on his bookshelf, "May I have that so I won't be missing daddy?"

Uh, no.


Damn. That kid is quick.

PITA

So, I did the laundry, five loads yesterday.

As I was carrying the newly washed, dried, and folded clothes down the stairs, I slipped. Not one of those slips where you slide down a few steps. I did one of those banana peel slips where you go airborne. I completely missed about 3 steps, landing full force on my sacrum, basket and all.

I had to stay there for a minute to work through the pain. Luckily my son was taking his nap, so I could do my suffering alone. I tried to reposition myself to make sure all was in working order. My fears were not that I had broken my tail bone. I was hoping I didn't damage my spine or discs.

Once I got up, I attempted to carry the basket upstairs to the bedroom. The first effort told me this wasn't going to happen. So I attempted again, carrying half the items. I went back for the rest of the basket. Then decided to leave the rest for my husband to tackle when he came home. If I had, at the very least, shifted my SI out of place, walking up and down the steps was just going to make matters worse.

I moved slowly the rest of the day, certainly not by choice, although I am glad I couldn't move fast with the pain I felt. Standing and doing the dishes was not a pleasant experience, either. I ended up on the couch with a heating pad under my ass for a few hours.

My awkward movements reminded me of when I was heavy in pregnancy. It was that kind of pressure but with the addition of pain thrown in. I couldn't even bend over to wash my feet in the shower. I had to hold on to the walls of the stall for support and lift my foot up to meet my hand. Everything got washed. And as of last night I had no visible signs of injury...not even bruising (yes, I checked!).

So this morning, I'm feeling better than I thought I would. Much less stiffer than I expected. The pain has decreased, and I should be able to function rather normally.

I don't think I'll be doing much exercise today. I got a P.I.T.A. as my excuse. What's yours?!

On our walk yesterday

X marks the spot.

Beauty is all around us.

Just stop and take a look.

Marble Art