Tuesday, July 24, 2007

The Will

Before I begin my topic, I want to say "Thank you." I've been gently reminded these past few weeks that I have not been writing here. Thank you for your continued interest, friendship, and for bearing with me. I sincerely appreciate being appreciated and the patience and loyalty you have shown me. It will take me some time to get back to where I was...my humor and wit have been buried under an avalanche of darker emotions and have just begun to dig themselves out. It's a slow and arduous endeavor but one well worth the effort. At least I think so.

If I had one word to describe myself---my new current self---it would be "frazzled." I find that I have succumbed to that image of the overworked, the overwhelmed, and the out-of-control. Where I was once stoic and able to let barbs bounce off me without making a whimper, I now am a gelatinous mess...wailing in agony over each little unintentioned prick.

Somewhere along the way I lost the mask I wore, and my soul is bared--naked, unprotected, and all too vulnerable. It feels so alien to be not quite me, to know I am and yet I am not. It's extremely frustrating and all I can do is keep trying, keep struggling to regain all that was me. To do anything else would be to do the unthinkable.

So each day I work. Some days I do better than others. But I'd like to think I'm moving forward, consistently forward to my image on normalcy---to my state of happiness, regaining control and balance and simply to be at ease once again.

I want to return to me. Some day I will. I will and so will it be.

5 comments:

Jellybeans Mom said...

Baby steps Sweetie...baby steps. You'll get back to your old self, don't you worry.

Good to see you back here. You've been missed.

Hang in there! (((HUGS)))

Anonymous said...

There you are.....sometimes life takes you down a path that you would otherwise not want to travel on. You will find your way back home and when you do the light that shines brightly
in your heart will be our beacon once again. We missed you and know that
each day will get you closer to being your old self once again.

Artist Love ya

Anonymous said...

You are back! Missed you tons, hope you are doing well today...one day at a time. love you tons, yjc

kim said...

missing you

Anonymous said...

where are you? missing you very much...yjc