Tuesday, March 27, 2007

Reflections from Art Class

Sometimes I wish I had a magic zapper finger. I could point it at really stupid parents and make it so they couldn't have any more children. But then that still leaves me with the problem--them raising the kids they do have.


Monday, March 26, 2007

Quiz for those who like to quiz

You know how people are always sending and answering those all important, personal questions? Well, I just read one today that stated "This may just be the most random survey you've ever taken!!" and have cut and paste a few of the more unusual questions. The responses are mine. If you want to play along, answer a few (or all depending on how much time you have on your hands). Here we go:

1. What is your best friend's Mom's name? Mom has a best friend?

2. What your fave type of cheese? Cheddar

3. Who was the hottest teacher you ever had? Someone had a hot teacher??? JEALOUS! None of mine were even lukewarm. No offense.

4. Have you ever made out in a movie theater? Yes, who the hell hasn't? And if you haven't... LOSER!

5. What body part do you wash first? My hair--on my head (you are so dirty)

6. Do you have any piercings? just my ears so far

7. What's your fave childhood movie? I'm changing this question to childhood movies that made me bawl: Charlotte's Web, Old Yeller, Dumbo, Bambi...what gives?!

8. Do you have an innie or an outtie? innie if I'm skinny

9. What's your favorite flavored Pringles? I'd rather eat Lays. Then Doritos. BUT, if I had to pick a Pringle, it would be sour cream and onion.

10. Have you ever been tied up? Does in traffic count? If not, then no. At least nothing that comes to mind at the moment.

11. What was the worst thing you ever got grounded for? I don't know. I wasn't the grounding type. I was a strange kid who grew into a strange adult. I don't think you can call it grounding if I enjoyed being alone in my room reading a good book.

12. . Have you ever been to a gay bar? Yes...And so have you Alwyn!

13. Have you ever had friends with benefits? You mean like with a car or money?

14. Is there one thing all of your love interests have had in common? They had a Y chromosome.

15. Did you french kiss before you were 16? Yes, but it would have been nice to have been warned in advanced. I was sure surprised to find a tongue down my throat.

16. Have you ever been cow-tipping or snipe-hunting? no but I caught a jackalope once.

17. What was your childhood nickname? Stump (The unmentioned 8th dwarf)

18. Have you ever peeked in the opposite sexes room with binoculars late at night? Isn't this illegal?

19. Name something you do when you're alone that you wouldn't do in front of others? Play spoons on my naked boobs while farting to the Mickey Mouse Theme Song. Oh, "wouldn't do." Scratch that. I'll have to think. Let me get back to you.

20. What is your favorite boardgame from childhood?Again, LOSER! Who liked playing boardgames when you could be out on your bmx bike?

21. How many drinks does it take before you get drunk? One is enough. But for a really good time...

22. Have you ever sniffed an animal's butt? HUH? That's a little personal, now.

23. Have you ever stuck a foreign object up your nose? Like a chinese snow pea? Or an Italian zucchini?

24. Have you ever gotten caught farting while on a date? Not on a date. Guess you missed that blog.

25. Have you ever played naked twister? Board game! Bored game.

26. Have you ever been drunk at work/school? no

27. How many Jasons do you know? 2

The Burning Question

My son and I were at Walmart this weekend. Upon entering we were informed Spiderman was going to be there in about 10-20 minutes. They were doing free photos with Spidey.

We had nothing better to do (dad was home sick), so Zorro and I went to see him. I never thought about it, but I guess Spidey is a pretty shady character to look at for the uninitiated.

Although Zorro has willingly hugged just about every masked creature we've run across, from Sparky the Fire Dog to Goofy, Zorro could not be coaxed into doing much more than offer Spidey a wave of his hand. He was absolutely not interested in getting any closer to Spidey, more than content to view him from afar.

Later in the car, he asked me, "Why does Spiderman have no eyes?"

Thursday, March 22, 2007

Kids Concepts Playdate

The elusive yellow dolphin is spotted
frolicking in a sea of colorful orbs

We’re going on a mission
Start the countdown
5, 4, 3, 2, 1
Everyone to rocket,
rev it up now
We’re going on a trip
In our favorite rocket ship
Zooming through the sky
Little einsteins

Monday, March 19, 2007

You Boob Tube

Beauty is all around us. So is humor.

Today I decided I needed to get back to exercising PITA or not. I turned on the television and got on my mini stepper and began searching the guide for something to watch. Scanning the choices, I landed on Maury. Every once in a while, I'll watch. Come on--admit it, you watch it too. It's hard to resist Jack Hanna and a baby white tiger.

This program was a repeat. How I missed it in January I'll never know. (This was said very sarcastically, BTW.) It asks the question: "Did my man cheat on me because I have one leg?"

Yeah. He did. And the half-brain thing probably contributed too.

So I opted not to watch Maury. I watched Dr. Keith instead..."Fat and Happy in Hollywood."

Ah well...at least I got my exercise in.

Friday, March 16, 2007

Discovered the hard way

I am not ready for slides.

Ass pain takes a long time to heal.

Thursday, March 15, 2007

Scrambled to Hell

Yesterday was the day from HELL!

Remember the scrambled eggs? Well, as I cooked it, I did the erroneous thing of letting him watch television. After breakfast, he wanted to do his Disney Preschool Time online, which I agreed to.

It all went down hill after that. He didn't want to do any paperwork, preferring to sit on the couch and do nothing instead. It was a pure power struggle. I let him sit there, and just reminded him he was on the couch because he'd rather do that then do a few papers.

Thank God he eventually capitulated. Paperwork done.

But, the power struggles continued. And I think the little bugger has it in his head that mom's a loving pushover. He thinks cute will get him back in my good graces. He has yet to learn that if mom's not talking much and cleaning the house like a madwoman--things are not going to be in your favor.

When his daddy got home, he was not much better. After a few more incidents, dad put him on the couch. The final straw was the pillow with my son's saliva on it. When asked why he licked it, his response was because daddy hadn't been watching him. Daddy marched him upstairs for a speedy bath and teeth brushing and put him to bed. About 45 minutes earlier than normal.

I had told Zorro I hoped he would be better today. If not, we would be going to our park playdate, and he would be sitting on the bench just watching the other kids play with his toys.

I can be a sadistic hardass. Just try me.

Hopefully no more on this to come.

Suess got it Right

Ever since Zorro was a baby, he has not liked eggs. We tried giving it to him prepared in different ways--scrambled, boiled--to no avail. Whether it's the taste or texture, the result has been the same. He gags.

So after reading a story the other night, he got it in his head he wanted to also eat scrambled eggs for breakfast. He woke up saying, "scrambled eggs."

I made him scrambled eggs. On his plate was a piece of toast (buttered with jelly) and 1/2 a slice of bacon. He tasted the eggs and pronounced it good.

After breakfast, everything was eaten--except the eggs, which he now said was not good. (He usually tries something and says it's good and then refuses to eat any more, so we know it really wasn't.)

Green eggs or not, he does not like it. And now he knows for sure. Maybe he will try again in a few years. Are eggs an acquired taste?

Wednesday, March 14, 2007

Trip to the Dentist

On Saturday my husband and I noticed my son's front tooth was turning gray. About 2 weeks ago, his tooth had run smack into a little girl's forehead. She was fine. My son cried up a storm for a bit, then we promptly forgot about it. Until it changed colors.

I took him to the dentist, knowing very well there was little they could do about it. Still, it's best to be prudent. So, we went. According to the dentist, it was a wait and see thing. If severe damage was done, a root canal would be in order. He could have also damaged the permanent tooth that showed up in the x-ray, touching the injured tooth. Apparently, it could be months to a year before you may see any damage in an injured tooth. And since this was his second injury (the first was a chip), he needed to be careful not to do further damage. It is apparently prevalent in thumb suckers, their teeth jut out making them more prone to getting hit.

I explained to my son what the doctor said. I wanted him to be aware and just try to be a little more careful. As careful as an active 3 year old could possibly be.

So we go to Kmart so he can window shop (toys), and he sees some kids running to their mom who is standing by us. He puts his hands out in front to brace himself and hollers, "Nooooo!" Of course everyone probably thinks he is fruity as he procedes to tell them why they cannot hit him and what his dentist has said (something I can only understand).

At least by Jove, I know he's got it. Even if it's just for the moment.

For my Fans

Since some of you have asked...I'm posting a snippet of my current chapter (chapter 4). Kim finally does it. WAY TO GO KIM!! BTW, this is a sex scene if you haven't figured it out so if you don't want to read it, avert your eyes now!

“Okay?” he asked concerned, gritting through his teeth. I nodded, nipping his neck. In a rush, my breath left as he filled me, sinking deep, all the way within me. My body strove to accommodate his dimensions, bombarded by the onslaught of stimulants. He withdrew, causing me to wrap my legs around him to hold him.

I forced him back, driving my hips up to meet him. He pressed down, and I felt a stunning jolt. I was swiftly discovering all the things I liked—the play of muscles beneath my hands, the fullness of him, the lightning sensations rippling low in my womb as he undulated. I clenched my inner walls experimentally.

“Witch,” he hissed. I was feeling unbelievably powerful and singularly female.

“I prefer ‘sorceress,’” I said tartly, clenching tightly once more. He dropped his head, kissing me with fierce abandonment. Our exchange turned frantic as the stakes were swiftly anted.

Open more than your eyes

"Everything has its beauty, but not everyone sees it."

Friday, March 09, 2007

B and E

The boys, "B" and "E"
at the park
Move over Bob the Builder.
There's a new crew in town.
They are calling themselves
Chicago Tallytoady.
That's Spanish, apparently, for something.

Thursday, March 08, 2007

Why I am a Dog Person

I got this in an email. I am a dog person, and well...I have nothing better to write about, AND this is just plain funny. Even dogs understand the Secret! :P

"Excerpts from a Dog's Diary"
8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
12:00pm - Lunch! My favorite thing!
1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
5:00 pm - Milk bones! My favorite thing!
7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!

"Excerpts from a Cat's Diary"
Day 983 of my captivity. My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.

Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a "good little hunter" I am. Bastards! There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of "allergies." I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage.

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs. I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded. The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicate with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe. For now...

Wednesday, March 07, 2007

Speed, I am Speed

Last night while we were putting our son to bed, he says to us, pointing to some toys on his bookshelf, "May I have that so I won't be missing daddy?"

Uh, no.

Damn. That kid is quick.

Tuesday, March 06, 2007


So, I did the laundry, five loads yesterday.

As I was carrying the newly washed, dried, and folded clothes down the stairs, I slipped. Not one of those slips where you slide down a few steps. I did one of those banana peel slips where you go airborne. I completely missed about 3 steps, landing full force on my sacrum, basket and all.

I had to stay there for a minute to work through the pain. Luckily my son was taking his nap, so I could do my suffering alone. I tried to reposition myself to make sure all was in working order. My fears were not that I had broken my tail bone. I was hoping I didn't damage my spine or discs.

Once I got up, I attempted to carry the basket upstairs to the bedroom. The first effort told me this wasn't going to happen. So I attempted again, carrying half the items. I went back for the rest of the basket. Then decided to leave the rest for my husband to tackle when he came home. If I had, at the very least, shifted my SI out of place, walking up and down the steps was just going to make matters worse.

I moved slowly the rest of the day, certainly not by choice, although I am glad I couldn't move fast with the pain I felt. Standing and doing the dishes was not a pleasant experience, either. I ended up on the couch with a heating pad under my ass for a few hours.

My awkward movements reminded me of when I was heavy in pregnancy. It was that kind of pressure but with the addition of pain thrown in. I couldn't even bend over to wash my feet in the shower. I had to hold on to the walls of the stall for support and lift my foot up to meet my hand. Everything got washed. And as of last night I had no visible signs of injury...not even bruising (yes, I checked!).

So this morning, I'm feeling better than I thought I would. Much less stiffer than I expected. The pain has decreased, and I should be able to function rather normally.

I don't think I'll be doing much exercise today. I got a P.I.T.A. as my excuse. What's yours?!

On our walk yesterday

X marks the spot.

Beauty is all around us.
Just stop and take a look.