Tuesday, September 11, 2007

Have you given up?

I know it's been a long time, and for me---it's been a longer haul. The good news is...I am still here! And things are much better. At least for today I can say that!

Actually the past week has been good. Getting this all out in the open has made things easier for me. I've been blessed with a man who---although it doesn't happen often---makes an effort to know me. More importantly, he tries to give me what I need. So, if the crazy woman needs time for herself (although he may grumble), he gives me my "timeout".

Having mommy on "timeout" has been working well. It made him see that just because mommy is here and my son is asking for me, it doesn't mean he can't and shouldn't intervene. So now when mommy is on "timeout", daddy gets the questions and comments and playtime.

My husband is also starting to read me better and recognize my overwhelmed, frazzled look. Yes, it is possible for a man to start learning about his wife...even if it takes 10 plus years. Hey, it's a step in the right direction. And when he recognizes it, he makes a good effort to help me. Sometimes I need a walk. Sometimes I need a hug. And sometimes a Mojito is just what the doctor ordered.

I've been taking some time for me. I'm learning to get organized so I don't get overwhelmed. I'm learning to not put so much importance in one area and focus more on having fun and relaxing. I'm learning that other people's emotions should not directly affect me. If you are mad about something, I should let you deal with it. It does not have to be MY problem. I don't have to get upset too, especially when there is nothing I can do.

I control me. That I can do. So the focus reshifts to me. Getting me well. Getting me what I need to be happy. Keeping myself in check and in balance. I'm still seeing my therapist but the last session 3 weeks ago she let me out early. First she had to laugh as I recounted the events of my life, making me feel a little justified in my kookiness. Then I was let out early...I guess you could say for good behavior.

I go for my next visit tomorrow night. I don't have much to report. No news IS good news.

I feel better than I have in months.

I feel happy.

I feel hopeful.


Jellybeans Mom said...

I am so glad you are feeling better and are finally getting the help you need at home. (((HUGS)))

P.S. Good to see you back here.

Alwyn said...

Timeouts keep anybody from going a little kooky. Hell, I've been in timeout for years as far as relationships are concerned :-) It's good to have you back online. I hope you continue to feel better everyday.

Anonymous said...

Been waiting for you a long time, worth the wait everytime! Love you tons, YJC