The Will

Before I begin my topic, I want to say "Thank you." I've been gently reminded these past few weeks that I have not been writing here. Thank you for your continued interest, friendship, and for bearing with me. I sincerely appreciate being appreciated and the patience and loyalty you have shown me. It will take me some time to get back to where I was...my humor and wit have been buried under an avalanche of darker emotions and have just begun to dig themselves out. It's a slow and arduous endeavor but one well worth the effort. At least I think so.

If I had one word to describe myself---my new current self---it would be "frazzled." I find that I have succumbed to that image of the overworked, the overwhelmed, and the out-of-control. Where I was once stoic and able to let barbs bounce off me without making a whimper, I now am a gelatinous mess...wailing in agony over each little unintentioned prick.

Somewhere along the way I lost the mask I wore, and my soul is bared--naked, unprotected, and all too vulnerable. It feels so alien to be not quite me, to know I am and yet I am not. It's extremely frustrating and all I can do is keep trying, keep struggling to regain all that was me. To do anything else would be to do the unthinkable.

So each day I work. Some days I do better than others. But I'd like to think I'm moving forward, consistently forward to my image on normalcy---to my state of happiness, regaining control and balance and simply to be at ease once again.

I want to return to me. Some day I will. I will and so will it be.