Tuesday, October 10, 2006

Lowbrow for Kim


You want to hear about those stories. Thank you Oprah for bringing up the topic! Thank you Kim for pressing the issue.

I cannot believe I am doing this but... for my other fan, Kim, here it is!

Just 2 stories. No more.

Number 1 fart
I was in the science lab with my very first serious boyfriend. I was sitting on one of those lab chairs, the kind that resembles a bar stool, metal seat that swivels around. We were laughing about something and ... no! don't guess! ... he decides to give me a hug... a huge, squeeze the life (or something else as the case may be) out of me hug, like a python but fast and quick. The sound of gas being expelled from my body into the metal seat reverberated in that small room like an explosive force. I'm still surprised the glass cabinets didn't shatter. It was that loud. Really, really unbelievably "you just could not even in your right mind imagine" loud! Followed by the sounds of male laughter, side-splitting, knee slapping laughter that did nothing to stem my embarassment or quell the red, hotness of my cheeks (the ones on my face). But I'm a "one of the guys" girl so I took it like a moron (Oops! I mean man. I took it like a man.)

Number 2 fart
I was at the beach. A bunch of college friends were camping out. I was lying in the tent when my buddy shouts "steamroller!" He proceeds to roll over me, squashing me like a bug, as if he was a steamroller (hence the name). He was a good sized guy, muscles, lifting weights kind of guy. This time you can guess. Yes. He rolls over me and squishes the fart out of me. Again more uncontrolled male laughter. Gales of laughter. I am mortified. But I laugh like a good sport. What else is there to do? I would have laughed if it happened to someone else. So I can laugh at me too. (And to my college buddies out there who may be wondering who the guy in this story was...if steamroller wasn't enough of a clue...the male in the story is now a dentist.)

Why do these embarassing moments happen with the men? I guess if it happened with women it wouldn't be so embarassing. It would just be funny. Very, very funny.

So there it is. My 2 fart stories. And if you know of any more pertaining to me, please do not volunteer any. I choose not to remember any more of them. These 2 have been forever etched into my memory. Let's not add more.

Farts. I have been reduced to fart stories. Oh dear.


Adele said...

You're too funny. I'm sure everyone has a story or two just like yours. (now many people won't admit it though)

kim said...

wow...that was some seriously funny stuff. I was laughing so hard I had to come back to it because peopele were giving me the stink eye (no pun)! The visuals were great!

And yes...I'm sure most people have stories like that. Well, everyone except me. ;-)

Alwyn said...

Steamroller, huh? Those stories are hilarious! I've actually been the cause of a few like situations. Because they happen in a professional setting, I almost forget they even happen. Even when I do remember, it's never more than a chuckle. At least I knew I was putting enough effort into my work :-) You can forget about me sharing any of my personal stories, though. I'm still very shy. I've forgotten them for the most part, anyway.

Misha said...

Oh, of course! The Fart stories get the most respondents!

You realize you are getting enjoyment from my painful memories. Just wanted to make sure you knew that.

I see. It doesn't matter. Okay. Laugh! See if I care.

Can you at least fart while you are laughing? Thank you.

Alwyn said...

Dude, farts are funny. Thank you for sharing your stories. The one in the lab just had to be the worst.

Misha said...

Um... yeah. Did I mention it was really really loud?! I swear I lifted off the seat a few inches!

Uncle N said...

remind me not to hug you too hard when you come home on your next visit!!

Mr. Pendous said...

Okay, it's almost 3 in the morning, and I'm laughing loud enough to wake the neighbors.

What makes it even more amusing to me is the fact that despite the fact that the highest comment count so far has been three (at least, as far as I noticed), and this one had SEVEN! Granted, two of em are your own... but that's still a 2/3 increase from three!